


Not Cursed, Just Sad

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 13:01:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17345687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tired of being reminded of her past, Irie returns a watch to her ex bf (boyfriend, they were never best friends) Theo. In their own ways, neither Irie nor Theo can let go of the past.





	Not Cursed, Just Sad

It was a cool spring day when Irie decided that she would return Theo's watch to him. It had been a gift from him. He’d hesitated to give it to her for a few weeks, but after they’d been seeing each other for about 4 weeks he’d decided that it was a good time to give it to her. She’d been quite bashful and hoped that it hadn’t cost him much. Even at this point though, the thought that she didn't want to stay with him forever crept into her brain. His commitment scared her.

“Would you ever want to have kids?” he’d asked her one day, only about three weeks after they’d started seeing each other.

“Uhm, maybe eventually,” she replied. “But not right now, definitely not until I’m done my degree”.

“Right, like in two or three years maybe” he agreed. “I’m already 24 you know so like I want to have kids soon, I’m getting to that age where I want think about starting a family."

“Well I wouldn’t say exactly two or three years, no. I’m only 20. I might want to do grad school after my undergrad, so I really don’t know how long it’ll take me to finish”.

“Why would you need to do grad school though? With my shop I’ll be making enough money for us. You can just get a job with your undergrad and then you can take care of the kids.”

Irie’s face blushed bright red at the thought. “I wouldn’t want to just be a stay at home mom! You’d help with the kids too right?” She had always prided herself on her intellect and there was no way she would promise away the freedom having an education would offer her- let alone for a man she had met three weeks ago. 

He gave her a funny look and said “Uh yeah, of course I’d help with the kids.”

The watch wasn’t her style anyway. It was a gold band with a dial surrounded by a ring of diamonds- or some other clear stone. Fake though, she hoped. She tended to opt for less flashy, more practical apparel. She wished he had realized that about her. He had once said that the one thing he would change about her would be her style, because she dressed too casually for his taste. She also acted too casually for his liking. He was way more intense about their budding relationship than she was. 

This had been one stone in a pile of grievances she had about him. Eventually, of course, that pile had toppled over. That wasn’t the night she broke up with him though.

The night she reached her tipping point they had gone to the local theatre to watch an action movie. _Of course!_ Irie thought, _we can cuddle and he can hold me when I get scared. That’s so romantic, that’s such a couple thing to do._ Theo had unfortunately gone into the evening with different expectations. After an evening of her clinging to his arm they exited the theatre and he was confusingly quiet.

“What’s wrong? How did you like the movie?” she asked him as they waited outside for a cab.

“Man, you made that movie so much scarier than it was! I couldn’t even pay attention to the movie because you were grabbing on to me the whole time! I swear, Irie, you scared me more than the movie.”

“Well it was scary at some points! There were some jump scares you know. I was just trying to get close to you… I thought, you know it was a movie, and we’re a couple…”.

Their evening had deteriorated from there. He came back to her house. They’d started kissing, and he’d moved his hand along her thigh towards her crotch.

“Mmm…” she said, stopping his hand with hers and pulling away from their kiss. “Hey Theo, I don’t want to have sex tonight… let’s just want to go to bed”.

He pulled away from her and stared at her. “What the hell Irie?”

Startled at his sudden hostility, she pulled back to look at him, unsure of what he was getting at. “I-I just wanted to warn you, since we usually-”

Shaking his head he turned away from her and lay facing away from her. “I can’t believe that’s what you think I’m here for. Have I not told you how much I care about you?” he demanded. “Why would you think that’s all I’m here for…?”

“What? That’s not what I was saying at all, I was saying that I just wanted to let you know that I’m not down for that tonight! I never said anything about that being all you’re here for!”

“So what do you want to do then?” he demanded.

“I-I don’t know! Why don’t we just go to sleep?” she suggested. “I’m tired and I have 8:30 classes in the morning…”

He turned around to face her. “Why did you even invite me over here then Irie, if you just want to sleep? What did you want to get out of tonight?”

“I thought- I don’t know, that we could just cuddle and sleep or something? I wanted to spend time with you but I don’t want to…”

“Sometimes Irie, I-” he signed in exasperation and she sat there in confusion. “Why are you even with me? Do you even want to be with me? Maybe we should just break up” Irie flopped on to her back and the two of them m stared up at her ceiling.

“No, I- I do care about you Theo. Of course I do. I was only trying to give you a heads up so that you wouldn’t get all worked up and then-” she didn’t finish her sentence, but in her mind she thought _and then you keep asking me for sex over and over until I give in…_ “I didn’t think-”

“Uh yeah, obviously you didn’t. Maybe you _should_ think before you speak in the future.”

She gaped at him, now on the verge of tears, and she choked out “I- I’m sorry Theo. I didn’t mean to offend you or hurt you…” she let out a sigh and covered her face with her arms. This wasn’t the first time a conversation of theirs had deteriorated like this. Miscommunication was seemed rampant between the two of them these days. “Maybe we _should_ break up…”

He turned to face her. “Wait are you for real? Look at me”. She removed her arms from her face and looked into his deep brown eyes. “Irie. Are you for real? Do you want to break up?” He stared back at her. His expression was blank and frustratingly unreadable, and she was intimidated to hell by it.

“I- I don’t know… I don’t want to lose you though…”

“So then we don’t break up. Simple. Stop overthinking these things Irie, come on. You just have to do what you _know_ is right.” 

She wanted to say _I can’t just **stop** over thinking things! it’s like breathing to me_ but she was tired and emotionally drained and she didn’t want to keep fighting. So she kept staring into his eyes, and he stared back at hers, his expression still so unreadable, until he pulled her close and whispered against her. “Don’t scare me like that again, okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed softly. His mouth made its way on to hers. His lips were much bigger than hers and enveloped her mouth. His tongue brushed against hers. She thought about how he always used his tongue a lot when kissing her, and only ever relented trying to stick his tongue down her throat when she fought back with her own tongue. He liked her better when she let him dominate though. But then he always complained when she didn't take initiative, so she was left confused and generally let him lead the way.

His kisses moved from her lips down her neck, and his hands pushed her bra down her chest to reveal her nipples. He moved his hands all along her body continuing to push her clothes out of the way, and she did not stop him. She gasped at his sucking mouth. 

Kissing and touching moved to fucking. She soon found herself with her head pushed against her headboard and her legs uncomfortably high above her head, with him slamming himself into her. After warming up, he switched between her holes as he desired. He didn't ask her or tell her he was going to first- he seemed to just assume it was okay. He only spoke to tell her when to move and where to go. 

_I wish he’d just finish already…_ she thought to herself. _I’m getting so sore. I feel like I have to shit every time he switches to my ass. Why does he like that one so much anyway…_

Eventually he told her to sit up and then motioned down to his crotch. 

“Suck it” he said. 

She slowly but dutifully knelt down to his crotch and put her hands around the base of his dick. 

“No,” he said, “suck it”. 

He pushed her head down towards himself. She knew that he wouldn’t stop asking, and he would get upset or yell at her again if she refused. Another fight was the last thing she wanted to cause, so she put her mouth around him and slowly started moving up and down. _Down as far as she could without gagging, move your tongue too, to stimulate him- he seems to like that- then suck on the way up, and don’t come all the way off but play around with your tongue before going back down_ she reminded herself. She’d tried to become good at this for him, but she couldn't bring herself enjoy it no matter how much he seemed to. In fact she really hated this part. She’d told him so after her first time, but he didn’t seem to remember because at some point of each of their evenings he always asked her to do it. So she cooperated and took him as far as she could without gagging. Sometimes she did gag and had to pull back to cough, before his hand guided her head back into place. She often had to pull back to stop him from unrestrainedly fucking her face. She wished she could handle it for him, but knew she’d vomit if she tried to stick it out. She'd come close to it before. He never asked her to stop, and she could never get him off this way, so when she finally couldn’t continue any more she would say she was too tired, and usually he would relent and let them cuddle after that.

Once they were lying side by side he remarked “you know we just had makeup sex”.

“Yeah…” she agreed. The back of her mind reminded her how she had wanted to avoid sex at the beginning of the evening. 

“Let’s not make a habit of it” he said. 

“Mmhm” she agreed, snuggling her face into his chest where he couldn’t see her face.

 

Today she was meeting him in the park she’d always wanted to visit with him. It was part-way between their residences, but he’d always shot down her suggestions to visit it when she’d mentioned it before. The park was sparsely visited at this chill time of year. April wasn't exactly the most beautiful time to go for a stroll in a Canadian park. Weeping willows were starting to bloom with buds, enough decorate the brown canopy above them with a green tinge.

“Theo?” she called, her voice creating a white cloud in front of her. “Are you around here?”

“Yeah,” a voice called over to her from a willow near the back of the park. She briskly walked over to him, and held out his watch for him as she approached.

“Oh. That’s why you wanted to meet me? Jesus you can keep it.” he said tersely.

“Oh. Okay. Thanks, I guess. Are you sure you wouldn’t want to save it to give to someone else?”

“No. Like who? Maybe you can move on that quickly, but I guess I always knew you were a whore.”

She stared at him in outrage. “What? For god’s sake Theo I was just trying to return something to you, I was just being courteous”.

“Well I wanted to you have it. I’m not about to change my mind now. So be _courteous_ and take it… you know, I loved you when I gave you that.”

Irie grimaced and looked down at his shoes. “I know you did”.

“Why don’t you love me anymore? What happened?” 

“Theo I- I don’t know what it is but something just doesn’t feel right when we’re together. Something just doesn’t click.” she said. Exasperated, she walked to the next willow over and leaned back on to it. Sliding down to sit at the base of the tree, she dropped the watch beside her on grass. He walked over a stood a few feet away from her. 

“I think our interests are too different, and we always misinterpreted what we were saying to each other. I wanted it to work out, I tried to work things out, but it never- it never worked”. She tried to continue but her breath hitched when she looked up and saw his blank, judgemental stare looking down at her. Her head drooped back down over her knees. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

She wrapped her arms around her knees and tucked her face into her arms to look away from him. The icy low-hanging willow branches grazed against her skin as the wind pushed them around. The sound of footsteps crunching on the thin layer of icy snow entered her ears then she heard Theo's voice beside her. 

“Shh, baby, it’s okay”. He was kneeling next to her and she could feel his body heat next to her, could feel the warmth of his breath brush along her skin. His arms reached around her and she was suddenly frozen in fear. She couldn’t do anything but listen as she felt Theo move around behind her, and she heard a belt unbuckle and the sound of fabric being drawn down skin. Her breath caught when she felt Theo lower himself to his knees and start to rub against her back, then lower, and she cursed herself for having left herself in such a vulnerable position. 

“No...stop, please... please Theo...” she gasped quietly as he continued to rub gently against her backside. 

“It’s okay baby” he whispered, “it’ll be quick- I don’t have a condom so I’ll come so quick.” 

“What…? You don’t have a condom…?” she said but received no response. She could only sit there as a sense of dread slowly enveloped her. 

He pushed her down so she was lying in a fetal position. His rubbing and grunting quickened, and she felt his dick hardening against her jeans. _No no no this can’t be happening,_ she thought. _I don’t want this and I don’t want him, so why can’t I stop him._

Her face rested against the icy dead grass, but after a few minutes her face was starting to smear into the cold dirt, and the air trapped between the crocks of her elbows was turning stale. She turned her head to the side to gasp in a proper breath, and as she did so Theo leaned down close to her ear and breathed out “take your pants off”. 

His hot breath washed into her ear and she flinched away shaking her head and turning her face back into her torso. Her shoulders drew in towards her face and her whole body felt tense. She couldn’t bear to see him right now, or to let him see her like this. 

“C’mon baby take your pants off. Be a good girl for daddy”. 

“No, please...” she whispered barely audibly. 

“Aw c’mon, please baby...” She shook her head. “Please,” he repeated. This felt so familiar. Theo pleading with her for sex… and how she always eventually gave in. He was so relentless. A team of wild horses probably couldn’t even hold him back when he was horny, and one silly girl curled into herself in shame under a weeping willow wasn’t likely to either. _Is this why they call them weeping willows? Do they weep for what they see? He always gets what he wants. I don't want to lose him. How can I disappoint him? Wait,_ she thought, snapping out of what she realized was just a familiar thought pattern, not her actual thoughts. _Haven't I already broken up with him? Why was he able to make me forget our history so quickly? I broke up with him a month ago already, after only 2 months of dating._

She knew him so intimately yet she felt like she hardly knew him at all. Why was she here? _I just came to return his watch,_ she reminded herself. So why on Earth would he have thought that she was there to get back together with him? 

Her breath hitched when she felt Theo's warm hands on her hips and pulling down her pants. She lay unmoving still, half of her remembering the times when she’d have found this pleasant, desirable even to be his lover, while the other half of her screamed at herself for not moving away, _get away from him NOW, MOVE damnit!_ Her mind screamed at him for assuming that her silence conveyed acquiescence. His hands traced their way up the backs of her thighs, but her body was rooted in place, immovable in the tension of the moment and then he was pulling down her underwear. Mind frozen and heart racing, she remained still until he guided her hips upwards and spread her cheeks apart. 

“Oh mamí, I’ve missed you...” he said, moving his hands to squeeze one of her hips with one hand and pushing her torso back to the grass with his other. She heard him spit and felt the warmth drip between her legs as he rubbed his spit into her. 

“Awe Jesus, you’re already wet! You must be so turned on”. She could hear the smirk in his voice. He positioned himself against her and slowly guided himself in. Her breathing became ragged and she exhaled a grunt at his entry, having grown unaccustomed to him over the last few weeks. She didn’t have much experience but she knew enough to know he was not above average in size, yet any entrance that is forced open is bound to get damaged. 

Arms and voice shaking she coughed out the word “please...”, but Theo either wasn’t listening anymore, or took it as confirmation to keep going. He pushed all the way into her and she gasped into the grass, then she started panting as he moved against her. Up, down, up, down, in, out, in, out. Skin slapped against skin, and sweat began to form between the two. She wasn’t sure whose sweat it was but it stank and amplified the slapping noises in the otherwise quiet spring morning. He grabbed both her hips again and squeezed them, hard enough that she would later check herself in the mirror for marks. When he paused she tried to reposition herself but he squeezed her tighter and said “stay just like this, just keep your ass right there...” So she did. He always took so long, he never tired out and was always ready for round two if he didn’t get what he wanted in round one. He claimed he took so long because having a condom on restricted him though, so she hoped against hope that he’d be quicker this time. She always preferred using a condom. Pregnancy had not been in her immediate plans when they were dating, and it certainly wasn’t now. At least she knew he was clean. Based on how hung up he was on her, she doubted he’d seen anyone else in the last month. 

His thrusting sped up gradually and he slapped her ass, something he’d always liked to do. He’d always liked to play with her butt, even when they were in public. That had been extremely embarrassing at times. 

“Ohh shit you’re so tight, I forgot how tight you were” he grunted. For several minutes he tested cycles of fast, incomplete thrusts, and slow, hard, sporadic thrusts. Whenever she gasped or moaned he would moan back in reply, interpreting her desperation as pleasure, and then he’d push forward with a renewed vigour. Her face was contorted in a mixture of pain and forced pleasure. It was like the “pleasure” you feel when you knock your funny bone against something though; bittersweet in that it was mostly bitter for you and mostly sweet for whoever was around when it happened. 

Tears wanted to slip out of her eyes but her sweating body seemed to draw all the moisture away from her tear ducts. Her heart felt too empty to let them fall anyway. Just let him finish and let this be done, she reasoned. 

Eventually he slowed down, and leaning down to grab her chest in a perverted facsimile of a bear hug he finally stilled for a few seconds with his dick resting inside her. She let out her breath in relief, then all of a sudden he was not in her anymore. A cold emptiness filled her and surrounded her in his place, after having the warmth of _him_ filling and surrounding her. Still breathing heavily she rolled over to her side in a daze and shuffled her pants up, not caring about the stickiness that would surely be dirtying her underwear. She’d need a bathroom to get cleaned up anyway. She might have to throw out this pair of panties. There’d probably be blood in them too with her luck. She desperately hoped that Theo wouldn’t take this to mean they were getting back together. 

She snapped out of her thoughts as she heard that familiar sound of his belt buckle jingling. Eyes widening, she felt a clothed body lay down next to her on the crushed grass. She felt lost in his large embrace. She felt his soft, warm arm droop over her, knocking crisp branches out of the way to come to rest on her chest. 

“That was good wasn’t it? I told you I’d be quicker without a condom. And you can’t tell me you weren’t turned on- you were so slick” she could hear the satisfied grin in his voice. “You better clean yourself up, you’re a mess” he observed with a laugh. 

_I might’ve been turned on but I didn’t want to have sex,_ she thought. No words came out of her mouth though. Actions spoke louder than words to Theo, so she knew that in his eyes she had enjoyed that just as much as him and he thought she had simply been playing hard to get. 

She started to shift away but his arm tightened around her and he laughed into her neck. “Geez, don’t go yet! You can survive with a bit of cum in you for a little while. Let’s at least cuddle first…" 

After a few moments of silence he whispered to her. “Hey Irie, you know what’s kinda hot?” she didn’t respond.

“That right now a part of me is still inside you, I’m still inside you, even though I’m not… although I could be, if you want to go again” She felt his smile as he pressed a kiss into her neck and shivered as he whispered “My Mrs. Wilson”. 

“No... “ she finally mumbled, “I’m not married, and I wouldn’t take your last name...” 

“Oh my God, this again? Irie, do you have to contradict me on everything? Ho-ly, alright then Mrs. Talik” he groaned.

“ ‘m still not married...” she whispered, mostly to herself. 

“What if I got you pregnant? You couldn’t leave me then, and we’d have to get married.” He smiled and she didn’t respond. “Who knows maybe we’ll be married in nine months” he whispered. 

She couldn’t bear to think what would happen if she became pregnant. All her studies, all her friendships, her job… put on hold to raise the son of this man who never took no for an answer. A son, or a daughter. Half her DNA, half his. She despised the thought of having Theo inside her for nine months. Of suffering on his behalf, of raising a child with this man. Faced with the suddenly very real possibility of pregnancy, she had a sudden horrifying realization. She had always, and would continue to, support people who got abortions, but at that moment she knew in her heart that she could never abort a child of her own. Her soul ached at the thought of it. She’d always thought that if she got pregnant and wasn’t ready she would be logical about the situation, that she wouldn’t bring a child into a world where it wouldn’t be properly loved and provided for. Yet now, at the worst possible time, her emotions were overriding her logic and she began to gasp out silent tears. She squeezed her legs tight together as if that would prevent the progression of his seed any further into her body... her home.

Theo's hand moved to her shaking chest and held her body still against his own chest. Shivering with cold and anxiety, she reached her hand from her side up to his hand and tucked her hand underneath his. It was so much warmer there. She liked the warmth. If she could just pretend it wasn’t him there, that it was someone else, anyone else, or just the rays of sun warming her hand perhaps, then she could be happy. He intertwined his fingers with hers and her reverie was shattered. 

“I love you, my beautiful mamí” he said in a cheerful sing-song voice. 

“I’m mine...” she whispered to herself. “I’m mine...”


End file.
